i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
