Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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