In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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