He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Girls should come with a carfax report
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
