sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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