well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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