I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
