She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize