those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
