Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i now understand why vodka
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
