he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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