No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
