"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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