okay pat passed out under dana's car
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize