I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
