My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
