You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
