I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
