I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
