I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
