The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My first STD was from a foam party
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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