And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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