you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
