I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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