I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
