perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
