i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
