My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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