i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
