LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
