Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My penis needs a shock collar
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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