suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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