u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
