it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
