It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
