$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
