i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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