We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
