i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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