It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
