look no pants
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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