So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
