I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
