Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
