i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
P.S. I can't hear my feet
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
