Quick, to the slutcave!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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