piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize