I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
