I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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