I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
