things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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