i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
