new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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