where am i from again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
