hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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