I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
