I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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