The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize