Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
