Kiss
Puke
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
