the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
