I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I have post one night stand depression
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
