Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
