Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
