You just made me feel so damn special
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
