I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
