Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
