Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
