i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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