I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
