i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
