omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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