Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
