She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
