I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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