Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
