I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize