You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
