Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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