Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
