i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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