i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
