oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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