I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
