I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
