3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
a search helicopter?!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
