You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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