I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
