You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
