did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
