Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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