it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
