eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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