Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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