Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
