Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
