Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
