my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize