i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
