Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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